The Baby Products I Thought I Needed at 2AM

It’s 2AM, your brand-new baby is finally home. You are running on a mix of adrenaline, coffee and a little fear. Your newborn is sleeping, but you are too terrified to make any moves. The transfer from your shoulder to the bassinet is just not worth the risk.

You are surviving on adrenaline, reheated coffee, and the absolute confidence that if you make one wrong move, everyone in the house will be awake again within 45 seconds.

Naturally, you pull out your phone.

At first, you’re just looking for reassurance. Maybe a quick search about newborn sleep aids or whether it’s normal for babies to sound like tiny congested goats while they sleep. And then the treasure trove that is the internet unveils shopping guide after shopping guide, new parent advice listicles and new mom chat groups.

Suddenly, your screen is flooded with exhausted-parent marketing.

The revolutionary sleep sack.
The anti-colic bottle.
The newborn lounger that promises “better sleep for the whole family.”
The white noise machine that apparently recreates the exact acoustics of the womb.
A $42 bamboo changing pad cover with reviews from people claiming it “changed everything.”

And in your sleep-deprived state, it all starts to sound incredibly reasonable.

Because when you’ve slept four broken hours in three days, you aren’t shopping from a place of logic. You’re shopping from hope.

Why Exhausted Parents Are So Easy to Market To

Your recent purchases have another day before they arrive—all hail two-day shipping—so you turn to social media the following night. After swiping past your college friend’s post of the tacos they ate for dinner and your sister’s not-so inspirational “keep calm and don’t care anymore” meme, your finger lifts. Your scrolling stops and your eyes zero in on an image of a blissful baby sleeping face up in their newborn-approved bassinet.

You’ve been targeted. It’s too late to un-see the headline touting this sleep sack as the latest and greatest innovation in baby sleep. This is the “game-changing” purchase that will set you up for new parent success.

It may take a week for that baby sleep innovation to arrive, but in the meantime you try out and then retire the other three sleep products you ordered, never open the wipe warmer and bury the teethers under the stockpile of milk bags that you hope to one day make use of—think positive mama, oversupply can happen!

And when said life-changing sleep sack does finally arrive, you won’t even bother to open it because you’ve come up with your own solution—for the time being—and there’s no way you’re going to mess with it.

New parents can be especially vulnerable throughout the first few weeks and months of their baby’ life. And marketers know it! We are faced with having to care for our new additions while also having to navigate the responsibilities of our day-to-day. So, any product or new parent advice that promises the glimmer of relief or support has to be at least worth a try—especially if it is potentially life changing.

Most Baby Products Are Not Life Changing

The amount of money I spent on the plethora of baby sleep aids while I was “sleep shopping” could have added up to the amount I eventually used on my baby’s crib and mattress. The menagerie of teethers I have collected thanks to middle-of-the-night panic purchases could decorate an entire—very bizarrely themed—Christmas tree. Even the combined assortment of toys I’ve impulsively added to my cart in the wee hours don’t match the fun my baby has when she’s watching our dog’s tail wag.

Eight months into parenthood and I have developed a few mama mantras. The first of those being: Click bait is click bait.

Even if an average looking sleep sack is promising to have your baby on a sleep schedule after three nights, chances are, it is just an average sleep sack. Additionally, that same sleep sack will be for sale tomorrow and the days after that.

The Algorithm Thinks Your Baby Needs More Stuff

But there’s also a level of overconsumption wrapped into modern parenting that can quietly make new parents feel like they’re always one purchase away from finally getting it right.

Especially online.

The algorithm studies exhausted parents like a science experiment. Pause for three seconds on a baby sleep video and suddenly your feed becomes a nonstop stream of bassinets, schedules, supplements, miracle swaddles, and moms who seem suspiciously well-rested.

At 2AM, all of it feels urgent.

But very few baby purchases are actually emergencies.

Three Rules for Sleep-Deprived Shopping

There is no reason to buy it the moment you see it. That’s one token of new parent advice, but I’ve also learned not to buy in bulk before I have tested the product and that the most expensive baby anything isn’t always best.

So now I have a few rules for myself before buying anything during a sleep deprivation spiral.

First: let it sit in the cart overnight.

Second: ask actual parents, not just the internet.

And third: remember that desperation is not the best shopping assistant.

Because exhausted parents are constantly sold the idea that the next purchase will finally make them feel calm, prepared, and capable. And most babies do not need a perfectly optimized nursery full of gadgets.

They need a connected caregiver who feels supported enough to trust themselves.

Don’t Fall for: “If I have all the tools, I’ll be a good parent.”

There is a good deal of trial and error when it comes to baby products, and parenting in general, that is a fact. But you don’t have to try everything, and you don’t have to make any buying decisions before your baby wakes up for their 3AM feeding.

Every baby is different and while “best of” lists may offer a starting point, you’ll just have to wait, try and see. There is no better practice of patience than parenthood—and that’s mantra number two.

I know how hard it is. You can be desperate for help and restricted with where you can go with a newborn—and not to mention physically limited if you have just given birth. The potential of finding help in a product that’s delivered to your doorstep could very well be that lifeline you so badly need. And just having hope of a better tomorrow night might get you through the rest of the endless night you’re currently in.

But before you commit to a purchase, let the item sit in your cart for a day.

And some new parent advice and recommended items, even if only a small percentage of what you’ve equipped yourself with, may save the day or night. But try to trust your instincts, get to know your little person and see how they respond to what you have before you spend hundreds of dollars on stuff you will never use.

Nothing can compare to the time you spend with your baby. The smiles you share and the snuggles they’ll all too soon outgrow don’t cost anything.

And recalling these times during the not-so euphoric parenting moments can be just what you need to keep calm and literally carry on through the night with that beautiful baby of yours—no purchase necessary.