When the Holidays Don’t Live Up to Our Expectations

The holiday season is meant to be magical, yet it often brings pressure and stress. The idealized visions of perfect celebrations and endless joy (often amplified by social media) can lead to disappointment when reality doesn’t match up. 

Why Holiday Expectations Feel So High

There’s something magical about looking forward to the holidays. Research shows that anticipation alone can boost happiness, sometimes even more than the event itself. 

“Having things to look forward to is a major coping strategy,” explains Christian Waugh, Ph.D. He says that when you have positive things to look forward to, you have less room for negative thinking, and you can be energized and motivated by that thinking. 

Rather than focusing on the perfect holiday, try savoring the lead-up by decorating in a gradual, non-hurried way or simply enjoying a festive playlist. By appreciating the proverbial journey as much as the destination, you can find a deeper sense of joy this time of year.

Here are some mindfulness-inspired tips to help you embrace a more fulfilling holiday.

1. Stay in the Moment

It’s easy to get swept up in the anticipation of big gatherings or perfect decorations. But putting too much weight on a single event can lead to a letdown.

Instead, enjoy the small things – the scent of cinnamon in the kitchen, a walk with a loved one, the giggles during holiday baking with kids. These micro-moments create a sense of peace and connection that doesn’t depend on everything going “just right.”

Try this: Set a timer once a day to pause and notice five things around you with all your senses — what you see, smell, hear, feel, and taste. It helps ground you in the present.

2. Create a Holiday “Not-To-Do” List

In the midst of holiday obligations, a “not-to-do” list can be a refreshing way to set boundaries. Instead of juggling every tradition or commitment, use this list to identify things you’ll mindfully decide not to do this year.

For example, you might choose:

• Not to send holiday cards (or only send a digital one)
• Not to attend every invitation
• Not to stress over homemade treats if store-bought will do

This approach keeps your energy focused on what brings real joy and lets you skip the rest without guilt. Find ideas for your own holiday not-to-do list here.

3. Prioritize Self-Care

Amid the gift-wrapping, meal-planning, and schedule-juggling, it’s easy to forget your own needs. But you deserve care, too.

Keep up with routines that nourish you, like regular sleep, hydration, movement, and quiet time. Even ten minutes a day of solitude or journaling can help you recalibrate.

Anticipate your stress points. If holiday hosting tends to overwhelm you, plan ahead:

• Lower your standards – scruffy hospitality beats picture-perfect and burned out
• Ask guests to contribute a dish
• Hire help for cleaning (or swap childcare with a friend so you can prep in peace)

4. Plan Mini Breaks to Recharge

The holidays are notorious for back-to-back plans. Scheduling short, quiet breaks between errands or events – even just five minutes to step outside and breathe deeply – helps you stay grounded.

Try this: Between transitions (like arriving home from errands or wrapping presents), pause to put your hand on your heart and take three slow breaths. Let that be your reset button.

5. Be Open to Spontaneous Joy

Sometimes, the most special holiday memories come from unplanned moments — a laugh during a board game, dancing in the kitchen, or a quiet snowfall.

Stay open to shifting your plans. If something doesn’t go as expected — the pie burns, the package is late — lean into imperfection. Model flexibility and grace, especially for your kids.

By modeling grace and flexibility, you’ll set an example for your children. However, it’s easy for a child to get caught up in the grandeur of the season, especially when it comes to gifts. If you’re worried that your child might expect more than they’re going to receive, try these tips on managing your child’s gift expectations. 

Create connection through shared activities like donating toys, making handmade cards, or baking for a neighbor.

A More Grounded Holiday

If the holidays haven’t felt magical lately, you’re not alone. But by tuning into what truly matters – connection, rest, and intention – you can create a season of meaning and calm, even if it looks different than what you imagined.

Here’s to a holiday filled with happiness, contentment, and ease.