Teaching Kids to Be Gentle: Dog and Cat Etiquette for Young Children
Whether you’re getting a new pet, visiting someone with pets, or your kiddo is drawn to every dog in the neighborhood, teaching your kids to be gentle with dogs and cats is important. Try these tips to teach your kids to approach a pet safely and read their cues.
Kids and Pets
Raising your kids with pets can bring lifelong memories and give your child an opportunity to bond and learn empathy for other beings. Cats and dogs can be calming, supportive, and truly be a child’s best friend.
Each dog and cat has a different personality and temperament, just like each child does. Whether you see a cute dog at the park that your child wants to pet or are considering getting a cat or dog of your own, the first thing to do is observe the animal so you can get a sense of their temperament yourself.
It’s just as important to consider your child’s temperament, too. Some kids are naturally calm and intuitive, and some are bursting with energy and don’t pick up on external cues as easily.
Kids who lack impulse control, have sensory regulation issues or are boisterous may need extra guidance and supervision with any cat or dog. Consider your child’s ability to follow instructions and stay regulated enough to be consistently gentle and respectful with a dog or cat.
Likewise, some very active animals may not be the best fit for a reserved child, or a fearful animal may not work well with an energetic, extroverted child.
So before your child interacts with a pet out in public, or you bring a new pet into your family, observe your child and the pet to ensure the interaction is successful.
If your child wants to pet a dog at a park, only allow them to do so if the dog is leashed, and you check with the owner yourself to see if it is ok. Then, proceed with the gentle introduction tips below.
Prepare Your Child
Before your child interacts with any dog or cat, chat with them about respecting the animal’s boundaries and responding to their behavior cues.
Remind your child that dogs and cats are not toys and that it’s important to play with them in a way they like, not just what the child wants. This is a wonderful opportunity to teach your child to have empathy for another living being. Animals have a way of motivating kids to learn boundaries and empathy, which are invaluable life lessons.
Prepare your child for the fact that the dog or cat might be scared or shy and that if they walk away or don’t want to be petted, we must respect that. Tell your child not to chase or follow the cat or dog if they walk away.
Even if this isn’t your child’s first time meeting a new pet, it’s always good to remind them to use a calm voice and let the animal smell the back of their hand before petting them.
Dog and Cat Behavior Cues
Make your child aware of the behavior cues from any cat and dog they interact with. A great way to teach them this is to show them by example how to approach an animal and then note out loud the cues you are getting from the cat or dog as you are interacting with them yourself.
Dog Body Language Cues
Happy dog:
- A circular helicopter-like tail wag.
- A playful demeanor.
- Play bowing and excited behavior.
- High-pitched, short, playful barks.
- Floppy ears.
This dog is ready for you to approach them, play fetch, and give them lots of pets! If the dog is excited, make sure your child stays playful but regulated and uses toys to play without crossing the pup’s boundaries with hugs, patting, or pulling.
Relaxed dog:
- Low, slow, swooping side to side, wagging tail.
- Open mouth pant.
- Soft eyes, no forehead wrinkles.
- Wiggly and gentle posture.
This dog is ready for pets and playtime!
Alert dog:
- A fast, twitchy tail wag
- A stiff body and tail
- Ears pointed forward
- Wide eyes
- Feet are in ready-to-act position
Give the pup a few minutes to asses their surroundings before you pet them. Stay back, have a calm body, and speak to them with a gentle and kind voice.
Stressed dog:
- Raised hackles
- Yawning is a self-calming response
- Licking their lips
- Avoiding eye contact
- Low tail and body
This dog needs a slow start for any interaction, especially with kids. You can sit in the room with them, but it’s best to give them space and see if they will approach you.
Fearful dog:
- Flat or tucked ears
- Tail tucked underneath their body
- Wide eyes
It’s best to let a fearful dog get comfortable with adults before children approach them. You can be the mediator and first contact to get the dog in a more comfortable place before your child approaches them, and even then, move slowly and use caution.
Signs of aggression:
- Baring teeth
- Growling
- Tail held high
- Eyes fixed intently on the threat
- Wrinkled forehead
- Raised hackles
If a dog becomes aggressive, teach your child to avoid eye contact and slowly back away. Stay calm, and let the dog’s owner handle the rest. This is not a good time to try to pet or approach the dog in any way.
Cat Body Language Cues:
Happy cat:
- A tail that is pointed up and slightly curved at the tip
- Ears up and facing forward
- Partially closed eyes
- Purring
- Meowing back when you talk to them
- Slow blinking at you
This kitty is comfortable with you and the environment. They’re ready to interact and let you pet them.
Playful cat:
- Side-to-side tail flicks
- Wide eyes
- A playful crouch with a bum wiggle.
- Upright ears
Cats are natural hunters, and this behavior indicates that. If you go for gentle pets, they may think you want to play, bite, or swat at you playfully. Direct your kiddo that this is a good time to use cat toys like ribbon or laser light to play with them.
Stressed cat:
- A tense body that is crouched low to the ground
- Ears angled back
- A straight tail
- A thrashing or thumping of their tail will let you know they’re annoyed
This is a good time for kids to just leave their kitty alone. Cats can be temperamental and need space sometimes to get in a better mood. I recommend walking away and trying again later.
Fearful cat:
- Ears back and close to their head
- Crouching low to the ground, cowering and defensive
- Yowling
- Growling
- Hissing
It’s best to give fearful cats space while still in the room with them. Just sit, be calm, and use a safe sing-song voice, and they will come to you in time. Don’t let your child approach a fearful cat. They may lash out.
Aggressive cat:
- Flat ears
- Arched back with raised fur
- Thrashing tail
- Growling
- Hissing
- Lunging
- Swatting
Don’t let your child approach an aggressive cat. They should quietly exit the room slowly and let an adult handle the cat.
Supervise Kids and Pets
Always supervise young children around dogs and cats to keep your kiddo safe and the animal comfortable. Adult supervision prevents unnecessary bites and scratches and ensures your child doesn’t accidentally provoke the animal. Your presence is also calming for the animal since many dogs and cats have an innate awareness that kids are unpredictable.
Being present and available for guiding and calming can prevent a dog or cat from being labeled as “bad” when the child or animal just needs support.
Along with supervision, here are some more tips for teaching a young child to be gentle with dogs and cats.
Take a Slow Approach
When introducing your child to a new pet, keep the dog or cat in a room they feel safe in, and gently guide your child in after chatting about boundaries and cues.
Show your child how to let the animal sniff the back of your hand first and read their cues before petting. Demonstrate to pet in the direction the fur grows so it’s calming and comforting for the animal.
For young children, hand-over-hand helps them learn the right direction and amount of pressure to use. It also builds the animal’s trust as you can ensure the child doesn’t pat, pull, or poke them.
Keep the introduction short, and consider doing it a few times as everyone gets comfortable with their new family members. Short and successful is what we are looking for here.
Stay Calm
Choosing times when your child has a calm temperament is essential for building trust between them and your new pet. Make sure the child and the pet are fed, rested, and in good moods.
Remind your child to keep a quiet body, gentle voice, and hands while approaching and interacting with the animal. If you see the cat or dog looking uncomfortable, start with a sing-song reminder for your child to stop and wait until your pet is ready.
There’s no rush. A slow and steady greeting is good for everyone. Have rewards ready for your child and pet. Treats go a long way for positive reinforcement!
If your child gets too rambunctious near your pet, intervene. The dog or cat could get over-excited, scared, or aggressive if they feel threatened.
Have Toys Available
Keep your pet’s favorite toys available so that if they feel playful, you can show your child how to use toys instead of their hands, reducing the risk of bites or scratches.
Dogs love to play fetch, which is a great way to play that isn’t tug of war, so it’s safer for kids to be involved. Let your child throw a ball or a fetch stick to interact in play.
Cats love to play with real bird feathers (wash them first) or toys with ribbons or feathers. The longer the toy, the lesser the chance your child will be scratched in playtime. It’s also hilarious to watch cats chase a laser light or wrestle with a stuffed toy for some hands-off fun!
Give Your Pet Their Own Space
It’s super important to give your pet some space that is off-limits to your child. That way, when the dog or cat needs a break, they can go there to be alone.
A kennel or dog bed works perfectly as a space for dogs. Tell your child to pretend there is a force field around those areas so pups know they won’t be bothered when they lay down there.
A cat tree, window perch, or cat bed are great off-limits spaces for kitties.
Dogs and cats should not be approached while eating and may feel particularly insecure around toddlers. Pets should have a private space to eat. Or feed them while your toddler or child eats in the high chair or table or during nap time.
Training
If a dog is ever around any child, it needs to be trained. Some seasoned dog owners can handle this task independently, while new dog owners might benefit from a puppy training class or hiring a trainer to come to their home.
This is an essential part of dog ownership and child safety. While you can supervise, a well-trained dog has a much lower risk of harming an unpredictable child. The nature of toddlers and kids is that their developmental tasks of learning to walk, have boundaries, and be gentle are all emerging skills that can make even the most easygoing dog uncomfortable.
Whether you own a dog or a cat, if any interactions are difficult or problematic between them and your child, don’t hesitate to contact an animal behaviorist to help you understand how to proceed.
More on Kids and Pets
Adding a cat or dog to your family is a big decision, but one that changes your child’s life for the better in many ways. A well-bonded pet and an empathetic child can have a healing, supportive, and life-lasting positive impact on both.
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